Sunday, May 22, 2011

This Used to be Me.

I can't help but cringe so much whenever I see old pictures of myself, I tell people I used to weigh 110kg... they would all be like oh wow really, but I don't think they could ever imagine how it would look like. I cant help but get teary because of how disgusting i looked and how I thought it was still OK. I would lie to myself and hibernate from the world, since I had no confidence with low self esteem etc.. 

This picture was just taken in 2008.. 2 and a half years ago.

I don't know whether i should be proud of myself or should I hate myself even more because I've stopped motivating myself and getting lazy again.. even thought I'm not as bad as before I am still over weight.

Motivation is so damn important.

This is a one man thing, its all up to you whether you want to loose the rolls or not, its how you control yourself, its how much effort you put in, its not easy. but its worth it.

All I hear now is all these people around me saying they're fat when they're stick thin just makes me sick, I'm sorry but its a fact. You DO NOT know how having a few rolls all over your body feels like, you DO NOT understand how a FAT person would feel. I still get all emotional when I hear the word 'fat', it kills every time I hear it. 


  1. awww ive been through that phase. literally. during primary school and through high school. had everyone calling me fat, people called me pregnant. ive even still got a roll on me and that kills my self esteem. ruining my relationship atm cos of it. been busy and lazy to get rid of it. but i guess summer is the only time.

    be proud of what you have accomplished! :) theres always time to finish it! no need to rush back into it. just get into it gradually. we both can do it ^^

  2. You were really brave to post this, Cathee.

    You looked beautiful then and you look beautiful now.

    People who don't have eating disorders or body image issues don't understand what it feels like to look in the mirror and be sick at what you see. They don't understand what it feels like to feel guilty after every single meal you eat. They don't understand what it feels like to feel completely inadequate and scared of the next time you have to take your shirt off.

    You're stronger than you think. You have your goals and I know you can reach them. Be the best that you can be; not for anybody else but yourself. Just don't wait till you get there to keep your chin up and hold your head up high.

    There will come a day when you're too weak to make an effort and your body is too frail for motivation to save it. Today is not that day.

  3. I think u looked gorgeous then and also now!! I've been wanting to lose few kg but I don't have any motivation. I do some cardio videos on youtube now and then, but I will need good motivation to lose those kg I want. Even though I am not over weight I still don't feel quite confident in my body!! I hope you will find your motivation again! :)

    p.s. I hope you will check out my fashion blog too,
    if you have time! :)

    Much love,
    The Cabinet Of Fashion blog

  4. such a great post! and you can be so proud of yourself to reached your goal to lose some weight. it's a hard way but possible :) you're beautiful!
    in btw I started to follow you, dear. keep up the great work! :))
    maybe you'll have a look on my blog as well, if you like!

    xoxo FlirtingwithFashion

  5. omg....u sooooo brave and such a great post!!! i use to be fat and icant even see my old pic and when i see it makes me cry remember old goin to follow you:)